During these isolated, challenging, and confusing times, it is more important than ever to consider the ways we speak and are present to the people in our lives, especially within stepfamilies.
In The Art of Communicating, Thich Nhat Hanh mentions six mantras of loving speech. Thich Nhat Hanh says these mantras are a “magic formula” because “when you pronounce them, you can bring about a miracle, because happiness becomes available right away.”
“I am here for you.” Being truly present for another person is a gift, as it requires nothing from the other person. This requires mindfulness and intention.
“I know you are there, and I am very happy.” It is easy to get distracted with our busy lives and our busy thoughts. This mantra lets your loved one know they matter to you and that their presence brings you joy.
“I know you suffer and that is why I’m here for you.” This mantra shows that you are aware that something is not right and that your loved one is in pain. It is not important to try and fix the problem right away. This mantra can begin to alleviate suffering as it indicates that they are not alone and you are truly aware of their experience.
“I suffer, please help.” This mantra requires some humility which is crucial to loving relationships. Thich Nhat Hanh breaks this down further into three sentences: “I suffer and I want you to know it. I am doing my best. Please help.” This mantra is used when you have been hurt by your loved one and need to communicate about that hurt in order to bring about healing.
“This is a happy moment.” This mantra is a reminder to be grateful. The key is to practice mindfulness in order to acknowledge the beauty of these happy moments; e.g. a healthy body, a sunny day, a kind conversation.
“You are partly right.” This is a mantra that can maintain a sense of perspective when we are faced with praise or criticism. We all have strengths and weaknesses; we can use this balanced lens when we look at others as well.
We can use these mantras to strengthen and deepen our relationships within our families and stepfamilies. When we practice mindfulness and loving speech, we can start to operate with less judgement and more compassion.